Women Leaders: Empowerment Over Belittlement

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and the topic of female leadership came up. He and I have talked about it several times throughout the years as he has been a long time mentor for me. We are both of the opinion that women can make phenomenal leaders - and in many cases, women are better leaders than men. However, there is one particular aspect that continues to bother both of us - this idea that women leaders think they have permission to be nasty to other women. We both hear stories every day of female leaders who continue to treat other women like $h1t, humiliate them in meetings or degrade them until they cry - a phenomenon that is not only disturbing and upsetting to hear about, but also unnecessary and counterproductive.

Belittlement of Other Women Only Benefits Men

Early on in my career, I was conditioned that female leaders are the worst types of leaders because they are vicious and manipulative. And that they believe they have to be that way because that's what they had to endure to get to where they were - an 'earning of stripes' as it were. I certainly have had my fair share of nasty female leaders who operated based on this philosophy so when I say I was conditioned to believe that, I mean it. Seriously, I have stories for days, y'all.

Unfortunately, it took me several years away from toxic female leaders and working with quality leaders to understand that this is not the way to be a good leader. In time I realized there are several problems with that approach:

• Women approaching leadership like that really only benefits men because it continues to perpetuate this idea that women don't belong in leadership simply because we're 'too emotional'. This narrative has long been used to justify keeping us women out of positions of power. So by belittling each other, we end up contributing to these damaging narratives.

• Trying to be stern and tough in the same way that a male leader might act is truly idiotic. You might think it's what you're 'supposed' to do to show authority, but that is not our super power as women, so trying to embody this leadership style is dumb.

• It is completely counter to our general societal belief that you make progress in every way you can because you want to make things better for future generations. What progress can possibly be gained if all we're doing is teaching future generations that first you have to treat the next generation like garbage to be taken seriously?

• Regardless of whether you are a male or female leader, being nasty to employees creates a huge distraction and destroys company culture overall. The fastest way to turn over your staff and create chaos is to treat people like they are less than the dirt on your shoes (seriously put yourself in their shoes for a minute: who the hell would want to stay and work for you if you're acting like a c*%t to them all the time?).

The Power of Female Empowerment by Women Leaders

I won't make excuses for women being horrible to other women (seriously, the desire to be ruthless and nasty to other people in general speaks volumes about your character as a human being IMHO). But I will concede that there is a partial explanation for it. In general women representation in leadership is fairly abysmal across the board, so it's really hard for us ladies to know what "good" looks like.

And as a result, our leadership styles end up being a mixed bag of trying to fit in based on what was ingrained in you, but also doing the exact opposite of what you know to be bad leadership. While not exactly a scientific method, void of training for how to manage people and quality examples of female leadership to emulate, it's what we have to work with.

I am lucky that once I left the agency world and moved over to corporate environments, I had the privilege of working for and with some amazing female leaders. This is not to say that nasty female leaders are only in ad agencies or good female leaders are only in corporate situations. Believe, me there are some good ones in agencies and the crappy ones absolutely creep around on the corporate side too.

Anyway, seeing quality female leadership allowed me to observe what they were doing that was working and mirror them. And here's what I learned along the way:

1. Breaking Systemic Barriers Requires Working Together: Many of the barriers women face in the workforce are institutionalized and systemic. These include wage gaps, lack of representation, and unequal access to opportunities. The more we get distracted and 'cat fight' with each other, the more we allow these systems to keep us down. But when women work together to challenge these structures, we can make more progress towards dismantling them. And acting as a unified front that helps each other creates a pathway where we can make real change.

   
   

2. Encouraging Diversity Accelerates Innovation: Empowering women encourages diversity of thought and perspective, which is crucial for innovation. We see things differently than men do. We have different lived experiences from men. And as a result, we problem solve in a totally different way than men. So when we female leaders uplift our peers and female direct reports and get them in the room too, they can in turn contribute to a richer, more diverse culture that benefits everyone in the organization. It's a hell of a lot easier to get those ideas and perspectives across when you aren't the only female in the room to articulate it.

   
   

3. Being Unapologetically You and Female Is A Good Thing: One of my favorite female leaders in the past 5-6 years taught me that it is ok to be authentically myself and that I can still be a great leader. It's so easy to get conditioned to think as a woman that you have to act, dress, and think a certain way in our male dominated world order to be taken seriously as a leader. She showed me that being a good leader is not predicated on surface level assumptions or definitions. You can be exactly who you are as a woman - strengths and weaknesses, blue jeans and tattoos, colorful language and colorful hair - and still be a damn good leader.

   
   

4. Leadership, regardless of gender, is not about you: Yes it's your job as a leader to hold team members accountable and guide them based on your knowledge. But when you make it about you, your way and only your way, or you belittle people who don't follow you strictly, you deflate and stifle your people. Creating robots who regurgitate what you say and think is not leadership - it's dictatorship. The two most important parts of your role as a leader are to empower your team members by inspiring them and removing barriers for them so they can do their job. When you do that, you create space for them to problem solve, be creative and truly grow.

The Future of Female Leadership

It is no secret that I am a fierce feminist - I think that we women have a completely perspective and approach to leadership than men do, which is what makes us valuable as leaders. I believe we have an opportunity, and responsibility, to pave the way for others who often face unique struggles in their pursuit of success. And by empowering rather than belittling one another, we women can create a lasting legacy of change and progress.

So all you nasty female leaders out there—you know who you are—consider taking a step back and rethinking your approach. Imagine what your team, your organization, the world could look like if you stopped smashing other women under your thumb and instead lifted them up?

And all you women out there who may be experiencing those nasty female leaders—what they are doing is not leadership and is certainly not a reflection of you. It's a reflection of their own insecurities and how they came up in the professional world. Believe me, there are good female leaders out there. If you need a mentor, reach out to me. I can help you by either mentoring you or helping you find the right mentor.

At the end of the day, a future where women lift each other up is one where barriers fall, ceilings shatter, and real equality becomes a reality. Empowered women empower women—and that is the kind of leadership the world needs.